She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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