He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
