This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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