Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize