Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
