We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
