i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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