# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
