Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We need to rekindle our bromance
this boner is exhausting
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
