pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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