I wish I only lived at night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
