At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
