Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
