shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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