We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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