the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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