just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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