shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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