Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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