Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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