I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I look better un-naked...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
