I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We are two peas in an std pod
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
