Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
