His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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