I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
