god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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