i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You were trust falling into bushes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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