I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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