Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
