i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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