Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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