Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A bitchslap is in order.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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