We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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