areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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