Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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