Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize