I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
