If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
