my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
