Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
