escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
