i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
