The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
