she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
