Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
