gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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