God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
