i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
