so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
