I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
