no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
