You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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