True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
operation harelip BJ is a go
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
