Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
