I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
