As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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