My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
