Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
