Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
