you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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