Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize