I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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