Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize