Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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