did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
