i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just invented taco cereal.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
